Ya’ll, I have mom guilt.

No matter how often I tell myself not to, it rears it’s ugly little head and tells me how terrible I really am.

Today it hit because my daughter wasn’t listening. She’s three, what do I expect? I have been working from home recently so she and I have spent a lot (and I do mean a lot) of time together. 
And honestly I’m super grateful. I usually work 40-50 hours outside the home and have a half hour commute. That means not as much time with my child and husband as I would want. 
In that aspect this global pandemic has been phenomenal. I’ve had more family time in the last three months than I have the last 3 years and that’s amazing to me. 
But more family time also means more drama. More attachment and more tantrums. We are all adapting to a new schedule and it keeps changing.

When we had Ellie, we decided to do something uncommon and Steve began working part time while I continued to work full time. It was the only way we could manage a finances and day care. But switching up gender roles also means swimming against the current and feeling like I’m failing. 
Here’s the thing, when Steve and I discussed day care and staying home with our child, I really wanted to continue working because I wanted to show my daughter that she could do anything. And yet I feel like a failure.

Sometimes choosing to be uncommon meets us with back lash. Sometimes it meets us with snide remarks and loneliness. 
But other times, it creates a sweet sweet blessing. Like seeing my daughter bonded so closely with her father. Or when I am able to have a day just her and I and she doesn’t want to go to sleep the night before because she’s so excited. 
And I do, I truly do want to show my daughter that she can do absolutely anything. 
I’m going to go ahead and tell this mom guilt to shove it. Parents, just do the best you can. That’s all you can do. And when you feel the mom guilt (or dad guilt) tell it to get behind you.

What can we do when the guilt comes creeping in like a spider in the bath tub?

1.) Own it. Wait I thought we were supposed to kick the guilt out the door? Yes, you are, but in order to do that you have to own the fact that it’s happening. Recognize that what you are feeling. Put a name to it. For me, it’s typically named Work or Self Care. Both of those things are good, but they do sometimes cause me to have guilt, so I name them, and recognize that sometimes they do make me feel guilty.

2.) Let it go. Next, just go ahead and let it go. I know, easier said than done, but you’ve got to let it go. This tends to be when the negative self talk comes into my brain, so I just go ahead and tell it to shove it. I’ve named why I’m guilty, so then I just have to remind myself why I do those things. I work because I want to show my daughter that she can be the boss. I take time for self care because I need it in order to be a better mom, therefore I shouldn’t be guilty.

3.) Enjoy every second. I think part of what makes us feel guilty is that we feel like we are missing out on something. The time our kids are at the babysitter, or the time our spouse is at work, or the field trip we couldn’t attend, but in reality

our kids remember the love and care we put into the seconds we do have to enjoy together.

Cook a meal together, go to the park, or just build a tower out of blocks, but be present for those moments. No checking emails, no playing games on your phone, just take those moments and sit in them and relish in the time you have together. After all, you’ve got an adventure to get to.

Comment below if you’ve experienced something similar or how you’ve learned to overcome mom guilt!